I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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