if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
