Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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