This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
