I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
