I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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