some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
