She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
