You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
