I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
