i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
