Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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