May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
