The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you would pick up someone in the library
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
