Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
