I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
