I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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