I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
