one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
