Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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