is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
