Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
