but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
