His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize