i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
