there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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