I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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