is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
