I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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