I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
