Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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