I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
