We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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