oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So drunk its hurt
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
