There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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