My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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