I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
