Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
