We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize