I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
