Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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