she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
