you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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