Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
