i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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