dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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