you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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