I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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