I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
