Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
