you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
