All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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