But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
