half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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