dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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