in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have aggressive nipples.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
