Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize