and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
