I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
