so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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