Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
should my penis look like a turkey
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
