dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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