I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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