I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
