He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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