Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
