I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
