Pregnant stripper...not hot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sober January is a disaster.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
