He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
