i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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